Tuesday, September 17, 2013

How to be a Successful Unsuccessful Humor Writer by guest blogger, Perry Block



A few years ago, Perry Block read my debut novel, and he liked it (so I really like him)!  He's very witty and cute (despite being "nouveau old").  Remember, folks: this age thing is going to happen to all of us.

Check Perry out @ www.perryblock.com  

The Internet has indeed afforded a tremendous amount of opportunity to a great many people that never existed in the past, and in no area of human endeavor is this truer than that of the literary arts.  Today there are more ways than ever before to successfully become a failed writer.  
And I should know.

I am a successful unsuccessful humor writer.   You may find it difficult to believe, but it was only four short years ago I began writing a humor blog entitled "Perry Block - Nouveau Old, Formerly Cute."  Back in those days I was a callow inexperienced unsuccessful humor writer. Fast forward four years and all that has changed dramatically; today I stand before you as a veteran experienced successful unsuccessful humor writer. 

And you can be too.  Here's how:

Why become a humor writer?  Everybody secretly desires to become a writer.  You don't have to get up early, you can wear a turtleneck any time you want, and in some circles you may be considered an intellectual even if you think health care reform is a branch of Judaism exclusively for hypochondriacs. And being a humor writer is the easiest kind of writer to be because you just make up everything.   No research, no fact-checking, it's like being a Republican. 

How did you begin humor 
blogging? Several years ago I came to the realization that I had many unexpressed thoughts, ideas, hopes, dreams, desires, and aspirations. They are none of your damn business!  So I thought I'd write me a schlock comedy blog instead.  

How long have you been humor blogging? Oh, about an hour or so. Actually I'm due for a bathroom break.  


Where do you get your ideas?   Mostly from China.  I also import a smattering of ideas from several other Asian countries and a few from a real funny fat guy in Bolivia. Don't get me wrong, I’d love to source ideas from the United States, but frankly the concept-ship is shoddy and I've gotten zero customer service attempting to call the Help Desk for an idea that isn't working! 

Are there any tricks to humor writing?   There sure are!  Uhh, know any?

Isn't it important to have a quirky mind or vivid imagination?
 Nah, my imagination's about as fertile as the concrete on I-95. To be a successful unsuccessful humor writer the stuff only has to be as funny as the small print on a whole life insurance contract.

How successfully unsuccessful are you?  
I don't wanna brag, but I am totally unknown outside of Michele Young-Stone, and even she won't return my calls.  

Do you have a writing schedule or regimen?   
Yes, I do.  

What is it, jerk?   Oh yeah, sorry!  I awaken at 6:00 A.M., brush my teeth if it's Thursday, then I head down to the kitchen to resuscitate yesterday's coffee. I check my e-mail, put on Good Morning America and check my brain, then go back to bed. Whenever I get up, I write a bunch of stuff if I'm not too nauseous.

Do you ever struggle with Writers' Block?  Gee, I can’t think of a thing to write about that.  Yeah, coming up dry here.  Sorry.

Can you guarantee I too will be a successful unsuccessful humor writer? Absolutely!  To be a success in the humor writing business you have to have talent, drive, desire, and determination.  If you had any of these things, you'd be doing something constructive. 

 Thus, your successful unsuccess is assured!


Thank you so much to Perry for guest blogging.  

2 comments:

  1. Wow, those are great tips. I'll have to write bad reviews on those three places that dared publish me. They must have had extremely low standards to accept anything from me anyway.

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    1. I'm sorry, Russell, as I told you before, you just don't qualify as a successful unsuccessful writer. You're too good. Even if you follow these tips, you'll still become successful, famous, and rich beyond your wildest dreams.

      I pity, you poor winner! You pathetic cool guy! While you're dating super models, just imagine all the fun Anthony Weiner and I are having!

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