Saturday, June 4, 2011

Why I love the ultimate boyfriend Ken!

I love New York. Today, while I was trying to buy some postcards or something, I got sandwiched by some big dudes, like Chris Kattan, Will Ferrell and Jim Carrey (on SNL) on the corner of 7th and 49th, and they said, "We like your tattoo!" "Are you a Pisces?" "The best sex I ever had was with a Pisces."
I said, "That doesn't surprise me!" Sassy girl. Me.
Then, the one guy says, "I'm serious."
I said, "So am I?"
"Are you married?"
"Better believe it."
"I'm not surprised."

"Hey," one of the guys shouts to Mickey Mouse, or the man in the Mickey Mouse costume, "It's okay. You can smack her ass. I think she'll like it." Now, I have no idea what Mickey Mouse was doing behind me. I can only imagine.

Fortunately for me (or unfortunately... if you are one of those people who has a fetish for big stuffed animals), Mickey didn't smack my ass.

Earlier today, an Egyptian taxi driver, 46, with 4 kids and 4 grandkids, lectured me on the evils of adoption, and told me that I needed to have more babies. Not only that, but if necessary, he would father them. People really like me!

I am grateful for all the strange mysogynistic and humorous men in New York. It's important to have a sense of humor!

If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have gone to the Barbie land of Toys R Us and bought a Ken doll who says whatever I tell him to say! Le Petit ami ideal; der perfeckte freund

"Oh Shel," he says. "You're so beautiful. I can't imagine my life without you."

"Gee... Thanks, Ken." If only you had a penis...

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